Someone told me tonight that a good way to mourn a death is to write a letter to the person that has passed away. My grandfather (dad's dad) passed away last night from what I believe, failure of his lymph nodes.
Dear Yeh-Yeh ("Grandpa" in Chinese),
I got the news of your passing from dad a little after I got off of work today. I could tell from the tone of his voice that something was wrong. He started with some general chitchat with me, and then it led to the news - "your grandfather has left us...he left us last night". I was in shock when I heard that you had passed. It was such a surprise to me, even though I knew you were getting up in age. I had no idea that you were feeling so bad. I had no idea that it was so bad that you couldn't even hold food down. I wish I could have been there to see you, to tell you how much I wish I had kept in touch with you all these years. I have not been the best grandson to ya, especially after I moved to the States. I gave myself excuses not to call, write, nor to keep you in my thoughts. I am truly sorry for that. Though we were never that close, I truly felt that you loved me, that you wish great things for me. I have very fond memories of us going to your favorite street to bargain shop, how you love wearing tennis shoes & shorts walking all around town, and our common love for salty food. And I will also remember that you were who named me. Thank you for not giving me a name I absolutely hate. :)
Dad told me that you refused to go to hospital until the after the New Years (Chinese New Years). I understood why. I knew you must have wanted to see everyone in your normal setting (during the annual family gathering on New Years Eve), rather than in a hospital room. You didn't want to ruin everyone's joy and fresh outlook for the New Year. I understood. It took for a lot of courage and selflessness to do so. That is something I would like to learn to do more. I am glad that you and dad got to visit on his last trip back recently. He told me he enjoyed your time together. I am also glad that most everyone got to see you for the last time at the hospital, even my uncle "Bun" who has been impossible to get a hold of for years. I hope you got to share some peaceful and meaningful moments with them before leaving.
Yeh-Yeh, I am sorry for not trying to come see you and "mah-mah" (grandma) the past 13+ years. I am sorry for not writing, calling, nor asking about you more often. It was wrong and selfish of me. A book I am reading taught me to learn from my pain. The pain of losing you inspires me to do a better job keeping in touch with "mah-mah", the only grandparent remaining alive. I will try to do for her what I never did for you. No more excuses or procrastinating.
Lastly, I am happy for you because you are no longer suffering. You are now in a better place where you can look over all of your love ones, no matter how globally spread out we are. I can feel your presence at this very moment. "mah-mah" loves you dearly & misses you horribly even though she would never admit it. Please give her the strength to be physically and mentally strong during this trying time.
Dear Yeh-Yeh ("Grandpa" in Chinese),
I got the news of your passing from dad a little after I got off of work today. I could tell from the tone of his voice that something was wrong. He started with some general chitchat with me, and then it led to the news - "your grandfather has left us...he left us last night". I was in shock when I heard that you had passed. It was such a surprise to me, even though I knew you were getting up in age. I had no idea that you were feeling so bad. I had no idea that it was so bad that you couldn't even hold food down. I wish I could have been there to see you, to tell you how much I wish I had kept in touch with you all these years. I have not been the best grandson to ya, especially after I moved to the States. I gave myself excuses not to call, write, nor to keep you in my thoughts. I am truly sorry for that. Though we were never that close, I truly felt that you loved me, that you wish great things for me. I have very fond memories of us going to your favorite street to bargain shop, how you love wearing tennis shoes & shorts walking all around town, and our common love for salty food. And I will also remember that you were who named me. Thank you for not giving me a name I absolutely hate. :)
Dad told me that you refused to go to hospital until the after the New Years (Chinese New Years). I understood why. I knew you must have wanted to see everyone in your normal setting (during the annual family gathering on New Years Eve), rather than in a hospital room. You didn't want to ruin everyone's joy and fresh outlook for the New Year. I understood. It took for a lot of courage and selflessness to do so. That is something I would like to learn to do more. I am glad that you and dad got to visit on his last trip back recently. He told me he enjoyed your time together. I am also glad that most everyone got to see you for the last time at the hospital, even my uncle "Bun" who has been impossible to get a hold of for years. I hope you got to share some peaceful and meaningful moments with them before leaving.
Yeh-Yeh, I am sorry for not trying to come see you and "mah-mah" (grandma) the past 13+ years. I am sorry for not writing, calling, nor asking about you more often. It was wrong and selfish of me. A book I am reading taught me to learn from my pain. The pain of losing you inspires me to do a better job keeping in touch with "mah-mah", the only grandparent remaining alive. I will try to do for her what I never did for you. No more excuses or procrastinating.
Lastly, I am happy for you because you are no longer suffering. You are now in a better place where you can look over all of your love ones, no matter how globally spread out we are. I can feel your presence at this very moment. "mah-mah" loves you dearly & misses you horribly even though she would never admit it. Please give her the strength to be physically and mentally strong during this trying time.
Sincerely,
Wai Man
Tse Kwok Lum, 1912 - 2006
8 feedback:
Ray,
I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved grandfather. I know you are feeling so much sorrow and pain. I am proud of you for the insight you have. Death of a loved one is always very difficult. Yes, your grandfather is in a wonderful place and is no longer sick and in pain. He also wants only happiness for his loved ones and he would not want you to have regrets. He loves you very much and he will always be with you in spirit and will always be in your heart. So hang on to those wonderful memories you have of him, the wonderful times you had with him. That is what he would want. I will say a prayer for you and Tish, your grandmother and the rest of your family that you will find strength and comfort to get you through this difficult time.
All my love,
Mom
Thanks so much. Your love and concerns mean a ton to me.
R
Ray & Tish:
Very sorry to hear the bad news. Your letter touches my heart so much. It's hard to say goodbye to your beloved grandfather, but that's life. Keep the sweet memories you had with grandpa in your heart and keep on a happy life. That's what grandpa wanted the most. I'll pray for you. God would heal your pain and sorrow.
Love you,
Diana & Steven
Ray,
I sent an email to you... but also just wanted to say here that I am so sorry. It is obvious how important your grandfather was to you and I know he will be so missed. You and Tish are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.
Anne
Aunt Diana/Uncle Steve,
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. Your love transcends through such simple words.
~Ray
Anne,
Thank you so much for your kind e-mail and comments. Losing a family is never easy, it always reminds me not to take life for granted. Thank you again for thinking of us.
~Ray
Ray and Tish - Sorry I have not visited the blog in a few days and was saddened to hear that your grandfather had passed away. Take great comfort that he is no longer suffering and is in peace. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
~LE
LeAnna,
I really appreciate your comforting words. They mean so much. Thank you for writing.
~Ray
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