Crazy Coworkers

I’m sure everyone has great stories, but I am willing to challenge anyone to convince me they have a coworker or coworkers crazier than mine!

Dottie. Yeah, let’s call her “Dottie”: Mid 40’s – dresses young – Ugs, fur type things, and yes, even lacy lingerie type tops with spaghetti straps that she starts off wearing under a blazer but ends up claiming she is hot and tries to show off her “runway”, as I’ve heard it referred to. I mean, I have bigger boobs than her! She is a complete basket case. She hasn’t ever been married but has a long time boyfriend, whom I know she would marry if he asked…but he never will. Until then, she talks about how she doesn’t ever want to marry anyway. Yeah, okay. If you’re going to say that, try to be more convincing. I would pay money to see her reaction/response to him getting on one knee and popping the question! Her boyfriend is very busy with his profession and kids from a previous marriage. He has money. From the way it sounds, that is the glue to their relationship. Without the wining and dining and other social “events”, they wouldn’t be together. She was born in France and is French. I’m all about being proud of your heritage or accepting of it, at minimum. But she often says, “I don’t know if I’ve told you , but I was born in France” or she’ll say, “In France, we did it like this…” She talks to herself. I don’t mean some mumbling about a task she is working on. I mean that she says things like “I guess she doesn’t care”. And no, she is NOT on the phone. I am the administrative assistant and can see everyone’s phone line. And several times, I have passed her desk just to see if she is on her cell phone…and she never is. What is even funnier or crazier is that she doesn’t just say those things to herself. It is more like an outburst like “I GUESS SHE DOESN’T CARE!” She yells it. Everyone is my section is pretty used to it, and only talks about it when it goes on for a longer amount of time than usual. But our temp’s face was priceless the first time he heard her outburst! I could tell he didn’t know if asking about her was appropriate or not so I took it upon myself not to tell him it is not unusual and will become second nature to him after a while. She thinks everyone is always thinking about her or talking about her. One time, our huge boss (our boss’ boss) was in our boss’ office with the door open. Well, “Dottie” was on the phone with someone taking care of work related business. And because she is so wickedly observant of everyone and everything around her, she heard our big boss and our boss laughing (about whatever they were discussing). When she hung up the phone, she yelled “ARE YA’LL LAUGHING AT ME?!” Our big boss and my boss were confused and even looked annoyed but still managed to say something nice like, “What?” She said, “Oh, I was just on the phone with John Smith and I thought ya’ll were laughing at something I told him!” Being the nice but weak people they are, they said, “No, we didn’t hear you what you told John Smith. That guy is a trip! What were ya’ll talking about?” It was obvious she felt a little stupid, but she went on to say why she thought they were laughing at her conversation. Another words, they babied her. That is how she gets treated around her! It drives us all mad! She does something wrong, and she will be the only one who doesn’t get an earful. Let me give you another hilarious example. I sit in a common area of our office, where everyone goes to make copies, get printouts off the printers, use the fax, etc. Right next to my desk is a corner which people round to get to this common work area. 9 times out of 10, I look up to see who is rounding the corner. I just glance up while I continue working. I’ve done that since I started working here over a year ago. Well, about a month ago, “Dottie” was having a not so good day, I guess (like every day really). She rounded the corner, I quickly glanced up, and then continued working. She said, “WHAT?!” I looked up and said, “What?” She said, “WHAT are you looking at?!” Very confused, I said, “Nothing. I just glanced up to see who it was, as I always do!” Embarrassed but still on her crazed high, she said, “I was just wondering why you’re looking at me!” I said, “No reason. As I said, I always look up to see who is coming around the corner”. She turned even more red, continued with her intended task, and did not talk to me the rest of the day! CRAZY?! Yes. Oh and I can’t forget the time she was on the phone yelling at someone about how they need to get back on birth control! Unfortunately/fortunately, I was not here when that happened. It happened years before, but the story is legendary. I think whoever works here in 2016, will hear that story! From a work standpoint, she is just about as equally frustrating! When our boss tells her to do something for a project and then hand it off to me to do the second part, she doesn’t tell me about it. Instead, she holds it until right before the final deadline and then gives it to me. I know she does this because I know she will be working on that particular project but she conveniently doesn’t tell me I have a part of it to do until right before it is due! Is that a screwed up deal or what?! And since I am our boss’ assistant, I keep up with her schedule, etc. Our boss is not so good about coming to work on time, etc (I will tell you about her next). “Dottie” and my coworkers get very frustrated because our boss is not around when they need her opinion, approval, or signature. Everyone else will just mention it and even express their frustrations to me. That is fine. Often, I can relate. But “Dottie”, she is a different story! She completely flips out when our boss isn’t around when she needs her. She comes out of her cubicle and says, “TISH, WHERE IS SHE?!” I now know that she is referring to our boss every time. I will say something like, “She isn’t feeling good and made a doctor appointment this morning. She’ll be in around 10:30.” She says, “10:30?! THAT IS JUST GREAT! DOESN’T THAT JUST MAKE A WHOLE LOT OF SENSE?! I NEED HER, AND SHE ISN’T HERE?! WHAT IS NEW?! I GUESS DOTTIE WILL HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT ON HER OWN AGAIN!” This goes on until our boss gets to work. And what amazes me is how it pretty much ceases immediately. She talks to her with a sweet sicky sweet voice, asks her how her doctor appointment went, etc. The other day, I worked on a project and turned it into my boss. I told her that while I feel good about it, I want someone to proof my work. She suggested I get “Dottie” to proof it since she did the first part of the project anyway. I know “Dottie” heard my boss say this because she has ears like a watch dog. I walked in her cubicle and said, “Dottie, Kate suggested..” She said, “HOLD ON A SECOND!”, with her finger up in the air. I stood there and waited. Then she said, “Go ahead. I just had to finish my thought before I lost it”. I said, “Kate suggested I ask you to proof the sales numbers I put in on the calendar. I don’t think it needs to be done right away, just whenever”. She said, “O-kay. Well, it is gonna have to be later cause I have too much going on right now!” I said, “Okay. Unless Kate says different, I think that is fine. Just whenever you can”. She said, “I don’t know when I’ll get to it, but I guess I’ll take it”. I extended my hand to meet hers. She took it from my hand, swung her arm over her head (very dramatically), and put the paper on the empty desk extension behind her. When she set it down, she said, “I will eventually get to it, I hope”. The funny thing is that she is the highest position under our boss and she works less than the guy two positions below her. They have tried giving her big projects before, but she cannot handle them. She gets really stressed out, whines, and ends up crying for help saying she doesn’t understand or no one will work with her! One more thing and I’ll stop about her! Yesterday, my boss wasn’t coming to work until noon because her house closing was in the morning. Our section was invited to a company breakfast. She insisted that we all MUST be at that 9:00 breakfast ON TIME, that NO ONE can be late! PERIOD! She must have told us that 10 times yesterday. So, at 9:00, me and my two other coworkers gathered. “Dottie” was not here. We decided to go downstairs without her because we couldn’t afford getting trouble for her, and who knows how late she would be?! So, we went downstairs. On the way downstairs, we talked about we are never going to hear the end of going to the meeting without her. It was a fun conversation, but we all knew we were speaking the truth. At about 9:10 or so, she gets to the meeting. The second she saw us all sitting together, she turned red, got bug eyes, walked toward us, and said something like, “I didn’t know where ya’ll were! I guess ya’ll just decided to come on down here huh?!” It happened just as we expected it to. My coworker had a quarter and a tea bag with her. She left it on the table where she was sitting while we got up to get in the breakfast line. She didn’t want to carry it, and she thought it would save our seats. Well, “Dottie” immediately started talking a lot to everyone else but us. She worked her way towards the front of the line. She got her food and sat down with all of her “friends”. When we looked over, we saw that her little group had taken our chairs! Seating was kinda limited. There wasn’t really many seats left all together. So, we kinda stood there for a second trying to figure out what to do when “Dottie” said, “Sorry we took your seats!” with a huge smile. My very kind coworker said, “It’s okay. We’ll figure something out”. “Dottie” started feeling guilty and asked her friends to move around and make room for us. They did. There were enough seats at the end of the table next to their group. “Dottie” sat closest to her friends and we sat in the few seats left. Still, she did not talk to us the entire time. Well, not really. She rarely even looked at us. She kept talking very loudly and doing this over exaggerative laugh. It was super annoying. One time, the three of us were talking about something and started laughing. She turned around with a red face, eyes full of jealousy, smiled, and said, “What are ya’ll talking about?!” And have I told you enough about her to know how the rest of our day went?! Yep, you got it! Just like junior high! She didn’t talk to any of us the rest of the day unless she absolutely had to! There are SO many other stories about her (like the time she yelled someone on the phone who works at one of our agencies and like the time she slammed something on my desk, tried to make me feel stupid when she felt stupid after realizing it was HER mistake…which led to me talking to my boss about her, etc). I am someone who usually appreciates differences and often associates weirdness with intelligence, but this is not the case with “Dottie”. And I do not feel that I am talking ABOUT “Dottie” in a harmful way. I guess you could say that I am just trying to educate my friends and family about Crazy Coworkers. If you don’t have one, the chances of you having one in the future are probably pretty good. And if you do have one, don’t feel alone. It can be confusing, frustrating, and downright scary at times…but remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

I know you’ve been doing a lot of reading, but I can’t stop here. I have to talk about my boss. Let’s call her “Kate”.

“Kate”, my boss, is similar to “Dottie” in some ways. Like “Dottie”, she is in her mid 40’s, pretty well to do, and never been married. And like “Dottie”, she can be quite bitter. And like “Dottie”, she will be the center of attention at all times. As a matter of fact, the only person I’ve seen “Dottie” give that position up to is “Kate”. “Kate” is one of those people that ask you how you are (because she was taught that is the proper thing to do), but before you get a word out, she starts telling you how she is doing! She is in a high up position, but is horrible example for her employees. She comes in late to work, leaves early for a date with some guy she just met off the internet, asks me to lie to her boss about not being available for a lunch time meeting so she can have an extended lunch with a guy she is crazy about that doesn’t care about her, etc. Something I can’t stand about her is how she babies “Dottie”. The way she treats “Dottie” makes me think of a mom who says, “Please don’t do that again” to their child who took a gun to school and held the teacher hostage! It baffles me! It really does! I can’t stand how everyone in our section is forced to sit in her office to listen to her talk about the new “product” (makeup) she bought (which really freaks out my new male coworker), how she feels about her colleagues/supervisors (and it isn’t nice), and often, for her to make light of things about us that she doesn’t agree with (not work related). She continually makes fun of my coworker that is pregnant. I know my coworker doesn’t take “Kate” seriously, but I also know it bothers her sometimes. I know she realizes that “Kate” just says those things because she is jealous, but because she is human, it bothers her at times. And because a lot of the friends “Kate” has are only in her life because of her social status, her work title, etc, “Kate” chooses my coworker as her personal friend. I think maybe “Kate” is a bit more likable outside of work (or I hope so at least), but I know that the main reason why my coworker is Kate’s personal friend is because she feels she has no other choice. “Kate” is often late for work – well, pretty much all the time. Every Monday, she is several hours late because she feels sick and is making a doctor appointment or she has errands to run. That results in my coworkers being late for work every day too. I am on the only one that shows up on time or a few minutes after. What sucks is when a “high up” comes by and wants to know where everyone is. My boss also whines a lot at work. She only works when she has to. She is all about playing and then complaining when work has to get done. Other people in my building that hears of her ways thinks she is cool when actually, it isn’t cool at all. It sucks. She is the boss that cranks her ipod stereo, gossips on the phone, watches a recording of American Idol from the night before, and makes you feel the calf muscles she has developed from working out (NO, I am NOT kidding)! Sometimes I find myself laughing at this whole situation cause I cannot deny that I work in a freaking zoo! But when it comes down to it, I can be so miserable sometimes. There is nothing like working through lunch to get something done and your boss walks by your desk saying, “Bye! I’m going to lunch! I’m meeting my guy! I’ll see ya’ll in a bit! If I don’t come back, you’ll know we’re shacked up at the hotel across the street!” (NO, I am NOT kidding!) Thank goodness none of us are close minded or easily offended. Otherwise, she could’ve been fired by now. But there may be someone in my section who hears her loud mouth every day and goes home troubled and/or angry.

I know that everyone pretty much knows that I’m not happy with my job, and NOW, you know why! First of all, I am capable of so much more than being an “admin”. Second, I have NO passion for the business: jewelry. Many women and even some guys, do. And that is great! But I am not one of those people. I go to work every day because it is a decent company and my paycheck helps pay the bills. But when I go home every day, I feel that my intelligence, my time, my efforts, and my passions were not called upon. That feeling can be very defeating.

I know that reading all this may shock some of you, but please do not do me any favors like calling up my company or anything! I need this job for a little longer! If you want to help me, please tell me how bad it sucks! That would help me a TON!

So, who supports me in going back to school and being all I can be as soon as possible?! That is definitely my plan. I’ve been settling too long. Settling is something I don’t recommend anyone do. It can do such great damage.

~T.T.