Anniversary and Divorce

I know these are two weird topics - related in a way but really not. This past Friday, February 3rd was my parents' wedding anniversary. In January (usually mid January), I think about the coming birthdays, holidays, events, etc that I need to keep in mind. I do this so I will not forget to send a card. And I also do this because I like thinking of upcoming celebrations. Even though it might not be my birthday or a huge holiday, I love associating something special with a day/date.

I wanted to blog ON February 3rd, but I didn't. I don't remember what, but something must have come up to prevent me from doing so or just simply rearrange my priority list. Even though today is the 7th, I want to talk about what a special day the 3rd was for me. For some unknown reason, I always loved hearing about and celebrating people's special days - especially those I truly care about. I don't know when exactly I learned about my parents' wedding anniversary, but I don't remember a time when I didn't know it by heart. My parents never withheld details about much of anything...and what they didn't tell me, I asked (imagine that)! Their wedding day was no exception.

To be honest, I don't remember a whole lot of happy times of my mom, dad, and I all together. I'm sure they existed. And what makes me believe that is because pictures (of us when I was very young) capture us at what seemed to be happy times. I don't know if those times really existed or if the camera man/woman encouraged a genuine smile every time and we were just good actors or what. Whatever the case may be, I love looking back at pictures, seeing our smiling faces, and having a strong hope that at least some of our happiness displayed was genuine. But one thing I will say is that even though that happiness could've been true, I know it rarely lasted for a decent amount of time. Years past and I started remembering a good bit around age 5 or 6. From that point on, I know our family happiness didn't ever last long...and as time passed, it continually decended. I know you may be thinking I am talking bad about my parents. That is not the case at all. My mother and I are very close. We were back then. My dad and I have had our times of good and bad. Unfortunately, the bad times heavily outweighed the good. For so long, I let that eat me alive. But today, I can say that the struggles he and I have had and continue to have can be blamed on him. I might be responsible for 1% of our relationship failure - if that. I need to get back on my point. What I was saying is that I love both of my parents dearly...and I wanted to share with you my yearly celebration of the love they once had.

Every relationship experiences ups and downs - in some form or fashion. My parents were my first example of that. Their relationship kept me confused and often left me feeling very hurt. I feel sad when I think of how hard my mother worked to have the family she dreamed of - a loving husband who doubled as an awesome father, a daughter, - and finally a happy home. Well, she got the daughter part. And she got very few glimpses of a loving husband, a good father, and especially a happy home. My mother is such a strong woman. She is a fighter. She gives her all on things she is passionate about. For 17 years, her passion was being a good mother, being a good wife, being so forgiving when my father was a horrible husband and father, and working 24/7 on making our house as happy as possible. And let me tell you - THAT was a huge job. I was too young to be much help. And she had ZERO cooperation from my father.

I guess I am straying again...back to their anniversary. February 3rd is not a day I feel sad. On this day, I do not sit around and think about how sad it is that their marriage ended. Instead, I spend this day thinking about the happy times I remember, stories they or other family members have told me about them, and finally, how lucky I am that each of them are my parents. In so many ways, I feel our family could've been happier if only the stars were aligned...but they weren't. I like to think of my parents' beginning - back when they met and when they dated - back when their love was so new and fun. That makes me happy. It doesn't matter if that time lasted 3 months or 3 days. I know it existed. Of course, my parents were not meant to be together. I will be the first to say that! But because of their love, I exist. On their anniversary, I not only celebrate the union they once had...I celebrate the two individuals they are.

Susan Annette Morgan...the most beautiful, strongest woman I know that constantly amazes me. She has a zest for life and so much to offer this world. She is smart, kind, loving, and a lot of fun! She is the only female (Ray being the only male) that can make me laugh so hard I pee in my pants! I can't imagine my life without her. She is my best friend.

My father, Roy Howard Barksdale, Jr is a handsome man with a good heart. He doesn't know how to love as he should, but he does the best he can. He has strong opinions about things and thinks of things in ways that most people do not...and the funny thing is that he and I are so alike in these ways. He and I understand each other, but at the same time, we often disagree. We frustrate each other...and neither one of us will give in. My father and I have had such a tough time since I came into existence 27.5 years ago. Actually, he and I might have been at odds when I was baking 9 months prior! :) Most of you know, but for those of you who don't, my father is a lost soul. For years and years, I have worked harder than anyone else trying to help him find his way. I think he likes my dreamy talk, but it never sticks. That is unfortunate. He destroyed what he and I had...and today, he continues to destroy himself. That pains me, but today, I know there is nothing I can do about it. He has to want to turn his life around...and he doesn't. Sad but true.

So, anyway...(sorry I keep trailing with different thoughts)...February 3rd is a day of happiness and celebration for me. Today, I encourage each of you to find out your parents' anniversary. If they are/were married, find out their wedding date. If they were not ever married, find another date that was significant to them - their first date or something. If you don't have access to your parents or you do not feel comfortable talking to them about this, have another reason to celebrate your birthday. Make it mostly about you, but also take some time to celebrate your parents. If you absolutely will not or cannot celebrate the love your parents once had, celebrate them as individuals. But if you can, do both. Even if you have one not so good parent, I know you can think of something good about them to celebrate. Cause I know you can if I can. One thing is for sure: If you didn't already know it, you will find that your roots are of love. :)

On that note, I will close. I want to share with you pictures of my parents - two individuals I love so very much.








What a precious little doll and a cute little fella, huh?!









Look at this sweet little girlie girl and this handsome little guy!












Check out this hip young girl and this cute punk of a dude!









Look!
It's a foxy beaut and quite a quaint character!










My parents, Susan Morgan and Roy Barksdale, Jr.








And finally, the former Barksdale family - Roy, Susan, and Letisha.

Now, a physically divided but somehow spiritually linked family - Roy Barksdale, Jr., Susan Morgan, and Letisha Tse.