Today's topic is DADS.

Yesterday, I had a not so good day at work. Without going into a long, drawn out story, I’ll just say that a coworker, an equivalent, really ticked me off. She told me I should be doing something a certain way. I basically told her I cannot do it that way, that doing such is asking way too much…and is really impossible. She started giving me this complete BS reason as to why it had to be done this exact way. In response, I smiled and said, “That’s not really MY problem”.

Finally, 5:00 came, and I was freeeee! As I often do, I called my grandfather on my way home from work. Since he was in a very good mood, we had a real good heart-to-heart talk about things. We talked about Ray and I expecting, my ailing grandmother, his upcoming heart surgery, some extended family of ours, and my dad.

As you can imagine, I never expect to hear good news about my dad. But I must admit that some small, naïve part of me refuses to give up hope. Well, yesterday was just like every other day. I didn’t get HORRIBLE news about my dad, but I got more bad news with some variation from past bad news. I asked my grandfather to tell me specifically what’s going on with my dad. His response was, “He’s just troubled, baby”. I said, “I know, Paw. What is he most troubled with the last time you saw him?” He said, “Well, ya know, it’s always something”. Finally, he gave me some details. Again, while it wasn’t good news, it wasn’t anything earth shattering (and for that, I am thankful). I asked my grandfather how my dad is looking. I ask that because I want to make sure my dad doesn’t look disgustingly skinny, as I have seen him before. Fortunately, my grandfather says he is at a good weight – not skinny and not overweight – “normal”. Honestly, I think just about the only thing you can describe about him as normal is his weight. Anyway, one thing that took me off guard is my grandfather telling me my dad has changed something about his physical appearance. Don’t worry – he didn’t get any tattoos or piercings or anything totally wacked. It is a look that many people decide to change to, but I never thought my dad would’ve done it. Ya know, as I told my grandfather, hearing bad news about my dad over and over with no change is…um…well, disheartening. Yeah, that’s a good word: disheartening.

I was a little bothered when I hung up the phone with my Paw-Paw. I wasn’t crying or fighting mad, but my feathers were ruffled. It is hard to explain exactly how I was feeling. The only thing I can say is that it is something I feel over and over again. It has been happening for years. After supper last night, Ray and I spent a good while talking about what my grandfather and I discussed, what’s going on with my dad, how I feel about it, etc. Ray is a great listener, makes me feel understood, and miraculously, always ends up making me feel as okay as possible about the situation. Time and time again, Ray and I have come to the same conclusion. It isn’t about what my dad doesn’t do that he should or things he does that he shouldn’t. Well, that’s part of it. But the real problem is that he is completely okay with his lifestyle – every single thing he does or doesn’t do. He refuses to consider that someone else may be right or even partially right. It is one thing if a person does a certain thing when they know they shouldn’t or don’t do a certain thing when they know they should and just don’t know how to stop or start doing that particular thing. My dad is the type that if you didn’t care about, you’d laugh in his face. He does exactly what he wants to and nothing else. No one knows better than him or especially more than him - about anything! As a matter of fact, he thinks everyone who has advice for him is out to get him…and anyone that lives differently than he does is just ignorant or weird.


Again, I told Ray (as I have many times before) that I’m so thankful he knows my dad. He’s met him several times, heard others talk about him, and has even experienced living in the same house with him for a few days! In one way, I hate that Ray doesn’t have a good father-in-law. But as I mentioned, I am very glad Ray knows all about my dad. #1, Ray just might think I’m nut-so if I told him all these things about my dad and he hadn’t ever seen or heard any of it himself. And #2, he wouldn’t be able to be my rock when I have difficulty dealing. Ray is an awesome support system for me when any challenging situation arises. Even though my dad and I do not talk anymore, I care about him and love him immensely. And because I check up on him, I continually get news that makes me disappointed, sad, and/or angry. So, even though he is “removed”, I would consider him a continual challenge.

It would be easy to lie by saying I do not care that our baby will not have a relationship with his/her maternal grandfather. But I can’t bring myself to do that. I do care. And honestly, now that us having a baby is very much reality, I think about it more. The fact is that Ray and I have good parents otherwise, who in turn will be wonderful grandparents. We thank our lucky stars for that.

I think about my relationship with my dad that went sour. And over the years, I’ve thought about how great it would be if my dad were not only a better father but a better person than what he is. Then I think of Ray’s dad and how important he is to both Ray and I. Unfortunately, he lives far away. We don’t get to see him much at all. But we so enjoy talking to him on the phone, emailing him, and seeing him when we can. He is someone we can trust, depend on, shoot straight with, and have fun with. Because of Ray’s dad, my grandfather, my friends' dads, my uncles, etc, I know that a father role is so very important. I never wanted a perfect father. No such thing exists. But I have always longed for a good father…or at least a father who genuinely tried and loved with his whole heart. Dads are so important in a child’s growth. Of course, mothers are too, but today, I’m just talking about dads.

Because I’m expecting, I’m probably thinking or worrying about things that will just fall into place (who doesn’t?). But there are certain things I feel SO confident about. #1, that after a little over five years of marriage and about seven years together, Ray and I are SO happy and excited about the little life we created! While we know that raising a child involves sacrifices and changes, we’re not afraid. Together, we can do this…and do a good job! Ray and I are adventurous people. We adapt well. I’m sure our little guy/girl will bring about a whirlwind of changes – and we welcome them! Having a baby is a dream come true for us. Throughout the years and still today, Ray and I often say to each other, “Man, life is good”. It truly is. And finally, to conclude this blog entry, #2: I know Ray will be a wonderful dad. I’ve known it for years. And since we got the news we’re pregnant, he’s done nothing but make me more confident. Just as I will not be a perfect mother, Ray will not be a perfect father. And that is something neither of us will strive towards. Again, such does not exist. Ray is very instinctual. He will know just what to do. And when he is unsure, he has me (and vice versa). Ray is a very caring, loving, and fun person. Just as I am lucky to have him as my best friend and partner for life, our baby is so lucky to have him for a dad. :)