As I’ve mentioned, my dad has two siblings, a brother and a sister. When I was a little girl, I was very close to both of them. After all, I was the only grandchild for 10 years. As the years past, my relationships with them slowly faded. My uncle is a very busy guy. He’s very into his career, travel, etc. My aunt got married, had 2 children of her own, and moved away from the family for several years. I guess that best explains what happened.
I still cared about and loved them both tremendously. All three of us were simply guilty of not making time for each other. At one point, the only news we heard about each other was through my grandfather.
We’ve had some unfortunate family situations over the last few years. My Granny died. My grandmother’s health is deteriorating. My grandfather was so bad off earlier this year that we were afraid we’d lose him. My aunt has struggled with her malfunctioning heart. When I was young, everyone stayed in good health, besides maybe getting an occasional winter bug. Unfortunately, things have taken a turn around. I guess the undeniable fact is that everyone is aging. Needless to say, when people age, things happen.
Of course, Ray and I have our youth. We’re both in excellent health and are still considered to be in the beginning of this adventure we call life. The difficult thing is watching our relatives become ill and even pass away in some cases. I cannot tell you what I would give to have my Granny hold our newborn son and for him to have the opportunity to know her the way I do. But he will definitely recognize her face, hear stories about her, know the songs she sang to me and be told the same funny rhymes she once told me. :)
Anyway, I guess we have no choice but to play the cards we are dealt. And one thing I can say about my aunt, uncle, and I is that we’ve taken these unpleasant situations and made the best out of them. In the last year or so, we become closer than we have in years. When I reconnected with them, I was reminded how both of them are more level-headed and even more enjoyable than my dad. I have no trouble having a casual or an in-depth conversation with either of them. Both of them are great listeners, great advisers, and light-hearted. My dad, on the other hand, is a horrible listener, even worse of an adviser, and definitely out there but not light-hearted. When I have good news to share, calling up my aunt or uncle is much more enjoyable than calling my dad. And when I need guidance, my dad is the last person I want to consult.
I think Ray and I sending out our pregnancy announcements about 6 months ago was what really got my aunt and I back on track. We began writing letters and talking on the phone. As I mentioned before, she had been through hell and back just months earlier with her frail heart. I remember my grandfather and I having several conversations about how the thought of losing my aunt at age 48 was unfathomable. The surgeons couldn’t say whether or not she would make it through the big heart valve repair surgery she had in New York. After having many dark days…actually months…she pulled through. It looked as if the worst was behind her.
Last month, she started having trouble breathing again. She had to make frequent trips to the hospital to get the fluid around her heart and in her lungs drained. Her doctor in Louisiana decided to have her come back in for some tests. Even though the results came out okay, he still insisted that she schedule an appointment with her doctor in New York to get more testing done. So the trip wouldn’t be such a drag, she and my uncle decided to fly in a few days before the test to make it more like a mini vacation. They made plans to see the Rockettes at Radio City Hall and other fun holiday events. I called her the day before she was scheduled to fly out to wish her and my uncle a good time together and to tell her that I’d be thinking of her. She was glad I called. She admitted that possibly getting bad results was scary, but I must say that she sounded great – very upbeat. She expressed her confidence in her doctor, which made me feel good. Her doctor told her another surgery would have to be scheduled if the results did not come back good. But because she had open heart surgery recently, they would not be able to schedule another surgery until next summer. That should give her body enough time to heal. As I said I would, I thought of her the entire weekend, especially on the day she was scheduled to take that big test.
After giving her a few days to get settled back at home, I called her to get the scoop. Unfortunately, the situation is much worse than they anticipated. She said her doctor showed her colored pictures of her valve before her last surgery, compared to the current pictures. While the “before” was bad, she said it is MUCH worse now. That valve is gurgling/regurgitating horribly. The doctor said her not having any major symptoms yet is a miracle. She added that she sometimes gets winded and dizzy. Other than that, she has been okay. It seems that her surgeon is trying to convince her that her last valve not surgery being successful is due to her body. Her body simply didn’t take the repair. As you can imagine, she is very frustrated about that.
Needless to say, they said waiting until next summer to do another surgery is not an option. Instead, they are trying to schedule her the first week of January. For whatever reason, she was told that this same surgeon must do the work. This stupid surgeon has such a tight schedule that they are unsure if working her in so soon is possible. If you ask me, I say that is B.S.! They need to do whatever they have to do! She could die waiting to have surgery. To them, that would probably just mean a possible lawsuit. To us, it would mean the life lost of someone we love.
I don’t know if there is a specific name for the type of surgery she’ll be having. I just know it is some form of open heart surgery. Maybe they just simply call it heart valve surgery. The first thing they will do is try to repair the valve, which the doctor is 99% sure will not work. The next thing that would need to be done is valve replacement. One option he gave heris getting a mechanical valve. She doesn’t like the sound of that because she would have to be on Coumadin, an anti-rejection drug. She was on this drug for a while after her last surgery and had major side effects from it. They could not ever find the proper dosage to control fluid and such. So, she is leaning towards the other option: a cow valve. She said that seems that having another living thing’s valve sounds more natural to her than having a metal valve, which makes sense to me. But of course, there are no guarantees with either kind of valve. As a matter of fact, a cow valve has to be replaced every ten years. But I think that is the last of her concerns at this point.
Yesterday, Aunt Cathy and I talked for over an hour. She is extremely disappointed about needing the surgery. However, she still has a good outlook. She is ready to get the ball rolling, rather than waiting. She said if it needs to be done, that she wants to get it going ASAP. As I said, she is someone I have no problem talking heart to heart with. I can give her my true opinion or ask her detailed questions. One of the things I asked her is how she feels about the surgery (with Christmas coming up, considering what she went through last time, etc). She said this news will not ruin her Christmas. She told me how she decorated her tree this year, when she wasn’t able last year. She is really looking forward to getting together with my family. As far as her answer about the surgery, she said she doesn’t see how this surgery can be worse than last time.
She even brought up the usually awkward and painful subject of death. She said she tries not to think that far ahead. Instead, she just thinks about going in surgery, getting the problem corrected, and coming out. But she added that everyone passes and that if it is her time, she is okay with that. She said she knows everything will happen as it is supposed to. When I was young, I couldn’t stand hearing anyone talk about death, especially those I cared about. It really bothered me. Yesterday, it was still a little unsettling, but talking to her was actually reassuring. I told her that while anything is possible, that I feel good about her upcoming surgery. I told her that surgery will not be easy. That is a given. And there is no such thing as a super human. But that out of all the people I know (family, friends, neighbors, former coworkers, etc), she is one of the most durable – physically but especially mentally. If anyone can get through it, I know she can. I’m not the type that can make up things like that to make someone feel good. I am poor at executing. And if I could halfway pull it off, it doesn’t sit right with me. I meant every word of what I told her. She is tougher than tough, a hero in her own right.
Again, my aunt is only 48 years old. She has a son that graduates from high school next year, a daughter who will be high school senior next year, and a husband that is getting close to retirement after putting so much into his profession. This should be an awesome time in her life. While she has a great outlook, her life is far from ideal. I can only imagine what it is like for her to look ahead, knowing that she will be going through the same hell she went through before. Please keep her in your thoughts.
~"Tish"
0 feedback:
Post a Comment